Me vs Jeans

I remember my first pair of jeans. They were electric blue, from Gap kids, and had an elasticated waist with a fake zipper and big button. I wore them every weekend with either my Gap hoodie or Next hoodie. One day the button fell off: devastating! That signalled the end of my tom-boy era, I think.

Years later, my love of hoodies and elasticated waists has not faltered, though I have adjusted my everyday preferences slightly: hoodies and body-con skirts (grown-up, heavily restrictive but still elastic-esque I suppose), though more favourably, hoodies and pyjama bottoms.

Unfortunately, I can't wear pyjamas to work, or anywhere outside really. Airports are OK. However, when I wore them out to the Co-Op I might as well have been wearing a Tulisa name-badge judging from the looks I got. Normally, I wouldn't really mind looking like FHMs sexiest, but this year my fave magazine* failed hard, and the looks I got were representative of that. Chavtastic.

Here's the thing: I need jeans because they are useful! I wish I didn't and they weren't.

My search for good jeans never ends. It sporadically 'ends' in tears, or with a miserable pricey purchase.

I've always had shape to my legs - by shape, I mean thunder thighs and muscly calves - and since the sad departure of my grubby jeans in my grubby kiddy era, I have had to cope with the nightmare of trying to find ones that, well, kind of fit my adult figure. Whatabitch.

In contrast to my legs and bum, my waist is small small. So I have this choice to make when I do buy jeans:

1) Tight tight tight tight tight eeeeeshk tight - then have a huge gaping gap at the base of my back. DRAUGHTY.

2) Tight tight TIGHT - pause - tight tiiiiight OMG TIGHT shit too tight shit shit - then frantically peel off like a molty molting snake and then get them stuck on heels and feet and then tread on alternate leg of jean and wobble and crash into mirror and try to fling and flick them off whilst blood circulation returns to thighs.

NEITHER OF WHICH ARE IDEAL.

Before you dare suggest that ghastly JEGGING invention, I'll stop you and say NO they don't work either. Still super gapey and no loopholes for a belt- rubbish. Plus the name repulses me.

So, jean-makers. I wonder if you could make a pair of jeans which are pretty cool, can fit over the legs I actually need to be competitive in what I do and that I've worked hard for, and don't cause me severe physical and emotional trauma. Also, I don't want to flash my pants. I've heard that 7 For All Mankind may be the brand to provide the resolution to my conundrum, but ffs they're over £200.

Whatever, I'm getting back in my pjs.

*saracasm

The Cpine

When I'm travelling anywhere, most likely I'll see the majority of people thumb-smacking their phone keys, swiping a swish swizzle on their iPads, holding a Kindle (woe), or maybe just reading a book or the paper.

We become so engrossed in these activities that our spine suffers: contorting and stiffening while our focus remains with what's held in our hands, our gaze rarely becomes distracted, with our ears plugged in and attached like reins. Our necks lengthen and pull forward away from our bodies.

Where once we stood tall, it seems we are crumpling and creating a shape for ourselves which is unnatural, unattractive, and unhealthy.

Sat on the tube one day, beside me is a man playing a first-person shooter game on his PSP. Volume at full blast, really into it, cursing when he gets shot to pieces etc. Lovely! Sitting beside one another he looks half the height of me. His head barely reaches the level of my shoulder. As he gets up to leave the train, he's at least 6ft. I presume that on every journey his seating position is much the same as he divulges in the luxury of being shot to pieces in virtual reality.

Sat on the train another day I'm opposite a man with an iPad on his lap, thrashing away at some email that obviously determines his life or death in actual reality. Irritatingly, he keeps knocking my knees. He procedes to move his face closer and closer to the device as his anger builds, thus moving his face nearer my lap. Just no. I got up and stood for the rest of the journey while he continued to finger punch his tablet of fate.

We are all guilty of slouching. Heck, I love a good lounge! How comforting it is to slump and sink sometimes. But what is so worrying is the shape in which we are forcing our bodies into for hours and hours a day; at our desks, as we travel, as we sit: a big capital 'C'. Our skulls weigh a ton - sometimes you might've been bored and tried to weigh it by making yourself all relaxed and letting it fall onto your palm? Just me? Whatever. Imagine the strain your back is under trying to hold up that beastly boulder!

I don't remember 'hunchback' ever being the norm. Yet as I look over at young children holding an iPad in both hands, cross-legged and staring into the alluring screen trying to catapult a rabid bird into some domino house made of gold-encrusted bamboo poo sticks - their spine has no purpose. It's unset jelly, slowly and surely growing naturally into that curve.

As you sit, remember your spine. As you stand, remember your spine. As you bury yourself in your Kindletron or get wrapped up in your iPad (both physically impossible, may I add. With a real book you can actually bury your head in it. Have tried; have succeeded.) just remember that yeah, you are bendy, but never take for granted that you have the option to curl up and be a slinky OR stand tall and straight.

It'll be so much harder to straighten yourself up and out than succumb to setting in the jelly mould of a capital 'C'.  

Changes

*SWEEPS AWAY VIRTUAL LAYER OF DUST ACCUMULATED ON TOP OF BLOG*

My blog-writing style combines sitting, looking, tea-making, staring, glaring, cursor-moving, cursing, deleting, deleting more, etc. Not a good combo and hence why there has been so little content on the Kactus Plant for some time. However, I have tried to kick my lazy brain into gear to write a little post on a few things that were important for me in 2011.

Job
Coming back from Nepal I had 4000 Nepalese Rupees to my name, BUT it's a closed currency so I couldn't exchange them at Delhi airport or anywhere back home; making me a penniless fool. Instead of seeking out the black market, I tried my very hardest to find a job. Every day I applied for goodness knows how many and by the middle of the second week I'd bagged one at a media agency.

Applying for jobs makes you weary, and you forget who you are when you've looked at your CV one thousand million times and your name just looks wrong and hideous and you come to the conclusion that all fonts are UGLY. One bonus is that you know every synonym for the word 'responsible' and also 'also'. Sign up to all the agencies, talk to all your contacts and take advice from your friends; something always comes along in the end. Even if it isn't perfect, it's something.

Hair cut
I lopped off about 30cm of my hair last year. Felt good. It's nice to chop off something long and dead and the hairdresser will LOVE you. Double-whammy.

Yes
Saying 'yes' usually has means good things happen, and if they don't then at least you can just run away and say you tried it.

Nepal
See previous post here on being an adventurer.

Being brave
Intrinsically linked to the above, being brave is all encompassing. (And now I'm getting lazy...)

Tea
Solves all problems. Always. (That's being truthful and to the point, not lazy...)

Reading
I read a lot last year, though this was partly due to the fact I had a little too much spare time on my hands and books therefore in my hands. I have the hench new Murakami novel to read at some point but I know I'm going to have to take a few weeks out to dissect it all. There's nothing better to escape reality and plug into a wonderful fiction. I love sub-plots and unicorns.

Writing
Ok so that's one post done for 2012. Insightful. Hopefully a few more will follow and I'll stop being so lazy.

European Women and Sport Conference 2011

Welcoming delegates with plenty of grandeur and copious amounts of coffee and cake, this year’s European Women and Sport (EWS) conference was held at the 5* Grange City Hotel in London. EWS constitutes a network of individuals and organisations from 44 countries committed to achieving gender equality in sport; increasing the involvement of women at all levels and in all functions and roles.

175 delegates and guest speakers attended from all over Europe, dedicated, determined and keen to share ideas and initiatives to help achieve the EWS key objectives. As my first international conference experience, it was a pleasure to be involved with an event of such status, and a privilege to represent WSFF.

The opening reception took place at the handball arena on the Olympic Park and we were lucky enough to drive around the site on a gorgeous clear evening. With less than one year to go now you can really grasp what the park will look like when it’s complete; its flowing infrastructure is finally becoming realised.

The arena certainly makes an impact with its shell of copper cladding contrasting against a vibrant, colourful interior. Paul Deighton, LOCOG Chief Executive, was terribly excited to divulge that the outside had been coated with horse urine to preserve its deep colour and prevent rusting. Not many knew how to react to that; I applauded.

More excitingly, the exclusive London 2012 gender pin badge was unveiled for the first time. It is the fourth to have been issued in celebration of six strands of diversity, engaging all communities to support the Games next year and beyond.

The conference itself was made up of workshops, presentations and interactive question and answer sessions. Being the official photographer for the event, I tried to sneak into as many as possible whilst lugging around my paparazzi kit. I managed to catch a few minutes of the ‘More Women = More Medals’ session, where Helen Glover, athlete for British Rowing, spoke about her extreme career progression since 2008. Having never even stepped into a boat before, Helen was selected to become a potential professional athlete through UK Sport’s ‘Sporting Giants’ where she fit the specification: young, tall, with a sporty background. I’m currently Googling ‘How to become taller…’

'The commercial value of women's sport' workshop was led by Sue Tibballs, CEO here at WSFF, and Kelly Simmons, Head of National Game at The FA. The session focused on presenting our research looking at the state of sponsorship for women’s sport (hot off the press and will be released soon).

The panel discussions and plenary sessions on both days were incredibly impressive, pulling together a real mix of influential and well-respected individuals. It was truly inspiring to learn about the real initiatives and developments being made all over Europe to get the status of women in sport to where it needs to be.

Concluding the conference, the general theme was that there’s still a lot to be done, but progress is certainly being made. William Gaillard, Advisor to the President at UEFA, stated that women’s football, in particular, has come a long way; ‘like going from the Stone Age to the iPad in the space of a decade.’ By being creative and persistent, it is imperative that this trend is encouraged across all sports because as we know…

"Gender equality in sport is not just good for women, but good for sport." Amanda Bennett, Chair, EWS.

Photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kbeads/sets/72157627581371521/

[Written during my internship at the Women's Sport and Fitness Foundation www.wsff.org.uk]

Being An Adventurer

I've been back in Chelmsford nearly two weeks and during that time I've broken my favourite umbrella,  received another whopping train fine for travelling two minutes before off-peak time begins (read previous tale here), and got two kidney infections. Not surprisingly, these events have put me in a very sour mood and today I'd quite like to be somewhere far more exotic, if a little smellier.

I haven't known how to write about Nepal. I didn't keep a diary, I didn't take my camera, and although I took a camcorder the quality of the footage is so despicably average I haven't bothered to sift through it.

What I am certain of is that my spongey head absorbed the experience to the full. For once I didn't faff about with apertures or worry about recharging batteries, I didn't have to frame the views within a screen within a screen with a beeping beep telling me OMG THE MOUNTAIN IS NOT IN FOCUS - I just opened my eyes wide and span and ran around, breathing in the oxygen-deprived air and the smell of the jungle. It was overwhelming; I looked mental.

It was terrifying at times though, and my walking poles saved my life - no joke - on four occasions. Once crossing a landslide, slipping over through two waterfalls with sheer drops either side, and lastly when I was just so exhausted from a 1000m descent I just kinda wibbled, lost my footing and whacked my coccyx on a spikey boulder but did not die.

The trip exceeded my expectations and I pushed myself to the limit. I'll never forget it.

Going away for a while

I think I'm one of the worst decision-makers of all time. Not that I think I make bad decisions, I'm yet to properly regret anything I've chosen to do, but I certainly take a long time deciding on things and whether or not to do them.

In August I decided to book a trip which I knew would be 'life-changing'. For the first time in a long while I decided to be selfish and think about what I wanted. I segmented my life into what resembled a chocolate orange, but by isolating pieces one by one I discovered that some bits tasted quite rubbish. I realised I needed something big and new and exciting.

And so, thanks to The Adventure Company, I found the perfect trip. A few weeks in Nepal for trekking, whitewater rafting, safari and super exploring. Classified as 'demanding', I knew that it would be intense and probably a little scary but I decided to commit.

Then my bank account exploded.

Somehow, 2 months have flown by quicker than you could shout 'BAIL' and I leave on Friday night. My big backpack is half-packed, my lists are half-complete and my mind is halfway between 'Eeshk!' (apprehension) and 'Eeeee!' (excitement).

I'm not taking my camera because I just know I'll drop it lens-first onto a pointy rock. Instead, I've bought a hench camcorder which is TOUGH and RUGGED - just like me. I thought I'd make a film of some description, though none of this video-diary malark. I'll stay well and truly behind the camera I think; I'm sure to be gratuitously grubby.

I guess that's all for now then, folks. If you see my mum in the next few weeks would you give her a cuddle and reassure her that EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. Hopefully this will turn out be one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Namaste!

My first audition

If you'd asked me a year ago whether I fancied applying for 'Total Wipeout', I probably would've said yes, downloaded the form and left it sitting in my 'downloaded items' for 7 months, gathering jargon dust, swamped in amongst thousands of temporary internet files. Ok, so that did happen. However, earlier this month we received an email at work from Endemol with a desperate call for more women to apply for their new series of 'Winter Wipeout'. Representing the Women's Sport and Fitness Foundation I took it as a sign, got my act together and spent the evening completing the application pack. A week later, I got asked to come along to the auditions.

Here's what I wore:

'Wintry.'

After getting a little lost in South Kensington and so sulking in Pret, I decided to ditch my map, use my instinct, and follow the several people wearing fluorescent legwarmers. Entering the sports centre, I was suddenly surrounded by spandex and other indistinguishable clingy materials. All I can be sure of is that the majority of outfits were sweat-inducing. There were about 500 of us.

Round One

'When you hear the siren, you'll sprint to the other end of the sports hall and you'll have one minute to sell yourself to the producers - one per table but you'll go in groups of five. Three, two, one.. HONK.'

• I did sprint. It was so far to the other end of the hall and my slippers were so slippery I did a skid.
• I was very out of breath but managed to do my one-minute rap. 
• I was given a blue ticket by the producers. 
• I went through 'the door on the right please'
• Blue tickets = you're through to the next round! YAY!

Still slightly out of breath and terribly excited, it was time for a Polaroid and paperwork. Of those that made it, we were then separated up into groups of 30.

Round Two

'Welcome to our Winter Wipeout assault course! As you can see, it is very realistic - just like the course in Argentina. First of all, we need you to come and have a chat with 'Amanda', then you'll do your shout-out at the top of the course direct to camera, then continue on to complete the course. We'll be filming you all the time. Ok, so where's Kat..?'

• I had my chat with 'Amanda', who didn't believe that I could be girlie and tough. So I started on her.
• I did my improvised shout-out which, most impressively, rhymed Beadle with weed(le)...
• I completed the course, including ten proper press-ups at the end - absolute powerhouse.

It was such a great atmosphere with everyone cheering for one another. After a little wait (and a well-earned rest) I was called through as I'd made it to the next round. YAY!

Round Three

'Hi Kat! Congratulations on getting this far you've done fantastically. Now, I'm going to ask you some questions, the camera's going to be rolling... We want your personality shine through so just be yourself!'

• The room was so small and the light was so bright my hood was so warm.
• I don't even remember what I said because it was so fast and intense and so bright and so warm.

And that was the final stage! A pretty exhausting day to be honest but a fantastic experience. I met a lot of crazy interesting people and I'm very very glad I did it. Now I wait for a phone call...